Eulogy for Dan McDonald August 5, 1930 – May 3, 2011
Larry Richard, a friend of Dan’s for over 40 years, delivered the eulogy during the latter part of the May 9, 2011 funeral mass. The mass which was attended by 300 friends and family, took place at Dan’s parish, St. Basil’s Church in Toronto.
The following is a summary of the notes given to Larry by 12 friends and relatives:
“Such a caring person”.
Dan’s mother died when he was nearly 7 years old, the eldest of five children. Dan’s father remarried and fathered 13 children with Dan’s step mother. Dan was the eldest of 18 children.
Larry Rooney, who met Dan in the seminary, said that within hours, Dan became the mother and father of every seminarian.
Dan was the director of a Catholic bookstore in Toronto for several years. But it was much more than a bookstore. Marion and Sharon, both from Saskatchewan, found Dan and the bookstore a valuable source of community and friendship. They felt very welcomed in Toronto because of it.
Dan was at home in the many countries that he visited and with the people he met there. In Jamaica, Mrs. B took care of the house Dan and friends rented and Mr. Dan brought thoughtful gifts to her for many years.
Dan enjoyed traveling vacations to the Caribean, South America, Ireland, and Massachusetts.
Marisha Plotnik, now of New York, remembers Dan as a favourite baby sitter while she was a very young child in a house group. “Dan reminded me, since it was the Time Before Memory for me, that I would always say, ‘McDonald! To the river!’ That would mean come and play boat at the bottom of the stairs in the house. We would jump off the stairs into the river that flowed in our front hall and play boats for an hour.
But I remember every detail of the old Murray’s Restaurant on Bloor St. where Dan would take me, when I was just slightly older, for a plate of Chips – WITH KETCHUP!!! (Forbidden food in my house). There was no greater thrill in my world.
Most of all, I have a child’s memory of Dan himself:
His entirely comfortable lap.
His very scratchy moustache,
His gorgeous smell of tobacco (which he would let me sniff in his pouch).
And I remember that Dan would never, ever forget to let ME blow out his match.
This is what I want to offer you of Dan today: his profound kindness to a very young child.”
“Dan was such a caring man.”
Dan as a therapist:
Ken and Beryl Plotnik: “Dan was a living example of honesty, dependability, persistence after setbacks, having enough confidence to take risks, and he knew how to read people, situations, and ideas. He was, in short, a living, breathing example of what it means to be a person of good character”.
John Kennedy: “I will never forget Dan McDonald’s great kindness and patience towards me. In our sessions, he was understanding and compassionate in helping me explore areas of my life which were difficult or sensitive for me to examine, whether they had to do with anger, loss, sadness or more tender emotions.
Dan’s courage in challenging many of us to live deeper and more examined lives was, in my opinion, a very Socratic Journey. He showed us how to explore and appreciate ourselves. He was truly one of the finest Christian gentlemen whom I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. His great trust that God truly loved him was the fundamental and unshakable foundation for his life-affirming viewpoint.
Dan began his psychotherapy practice in 1967. Groups were an important part of therapy in his view. In the mid-1970’s, some members of the groups asked to learn how to do psychotherapy. Dan began “learners groups” and bodywork groups to enable group members to assist the process.
Dan, a founder of the Institute for Psychotherapy and Emotional Bodywork in 1996, celebrated the success of an eight year process, when the ‘School’ was granted not-for-profit, federal status in 2011.
Harvey Hall: “The Navajo people of the American south-west describe the ideal state of being that each of us is on this earth to strive towards as “walking in beauty”. They believe that a person in this state is in harmony with the Earth and with all the currents and demands, competing for our attention in both our inner and outer lives.
They believe that not only does this person enrich his or her own life and the lives of all who come in contact with him or her but that he or she enhances the very essence of beauty itself.
Many of us who know Dan came from situations where our fathers or mothers were unable, unwilling or, most often perhaps, unaware of the need we had to have the circle of love completed. Our love went out towards them but was not reciprocated in a way we could understand.
Dan helped many of us to do that. He was not afraid of our love for him and he was not afraid to return it to us. By his example, he taught us to be brave. And, in so doing, by helping us bring completion to an incomplete part of ourselves, he taught us too how to “walk in beauty”.”
Joseph Schnurr: “Dan, thank you for “walking the talk”. It is the task of the psychotherapist to know their client and to encourage and sometimes challenge them to be the best person they can possibly be. Dan, you led by example. You have been courageous in the face of great adversity. Your example has become an integrated part of my SELF.
Just like on my first trip to Jamaica for a marathon, Dan, you would walk through the proverbial “Bush land” with all of us and point the way to explore and discover something special and authentic about ourselves.
Your spirit lives on, Dan. Thank you for walking with us and being our companion and guide along the way. The journey now continues and I know you will always be with us.”
Anne Deck: “Dan was a wonderful story teller. Whether it was stories from his early years in the country or at school, his travels or one from the Scriptures, he had a way of touching our heart, mind, body and spirit. He brought these stories to life and this helped his listeners to make sense of their lives.
He was a psychotherapist, through and through. Even in the last few months, he would sit in groups, happy to be there and contributed greatly. Dan cared deeply for others and was like a good father to the many who sought his help. He had a way of believing in people even when they didn’t believe in themselves. He could see into their hearts and souls and he worked to help them see also.”
Dan worked with priests, ministers and religious most summers.
He loved to travel and his last trip included a stop in Rome for the canonization of Australia’s Mary McKillop and Canada’s Brother Andre. He called upon both often in prayer.
Dan enjoyed giving workshops in India, Africa, Australia, Jamaica, U.S. and Canada. He combined his two loves together well – psychotherapy and travel.
Dan was a very spiritual man and it showed through in his everyday life. He had courage to go into each new experience with hope and confidence. He lived out of his deep faith.”
“Dan was such a caring man.”
Charlene Alguire: “The Quail family in Cornwall will always remember Dan as such a kind, compassionate and loving first cousin!
He was always so thoughtful… bringing home treasures from his many travels around the world. His generosity manifested itself in tablecloths, rosaries, crucifixes, bracelets and even clothing from other cultures.
The cousins always admired his strong sense of adventure and his love of travel. They marveled at the new places that he would eagerly tell them about when they were together.
Dan was always attentive to and so interested in knowing what anyone was doing and that included second and third generation cousins. He came the distance to join family gatherings to celebrate christenings, birthdays, weddings and anniversaries.
He was our brother Garrett’s guardian angel in Toronto. The family totally appreciated his care, concern and love for Garrett.
Cousin Dan loved God’s gifts to us of sun, water and the air that we all breathe. His gift of open mindedness amazed them and he used this gift right to the end of his earthily life.
His cousin, Myrna considered it an honour to be with him at his bedside during his last two nights in hospital. She relayed some of his expressions of his undying faith and love of God. Some of his last words were: “We have such a loving God!”
John Pitt: “Dan enjoyed his front and back yard gardens as well the flowers and vegetables on the third floor deck at 145 Spadina Rd. These settings were part of the therapeutic process for many and for Dan. He opened his home and his life to Centre clients and School students. This setting moved many to growth and healing.
The two traditions of chair/group therapy and emotional bodywork have always been fundamental in Dan’s approach and teaching. The design of house groups, standard groups with interchanging memberships, and psychotherapy students deeply involved in their own therapeutic journeys as sometimes leaders and sometimes members has been very challenging. Daniel McDonald breathed life into an organism connecting many personal journeys and an effective healing and learning milieu.
Two weeks ago, men in a new group of a year or less, expressed their heartfelt appreciation for Dan’s participation and effective contribution during his illness. They said that they had seen what it is to be masculine and feminine both and that he had touched them deeply while helping them tremendously. Dan responded: “I needed to work with you men, for my own recovery”.
Dan continued to participate effectively in groups and the school until two weeks before his death. We have witnessed his best work during the recent months. Likely working with his illness deepened his profound therapeutic work. Those of us, who have felt his best work over many years, felt it continue to get better.
Dan, a worldly man and a world class psychotherapist prayed daily that God, the saints and the angels would help with undertakings large and small. His conscious feminine side and his strong, kind virility depended upon his relationship with God and his good friends and relatives.”
Lucce de Melo: “Dan would not step back if he sensed that life was threatened. Whether the enemy lines were entrenched in the unconscious or the conscious aspects of existence, whether his own life or the lives of those he loved were at stake, he would work with the danger and confront it fiercely, if need be. As a soldier, he pledged allegiance to the flag of truth and stood unshakable before the plagues of paralyzing fear, consuming sorrow and destructive anger. He was especially fierce in opposition to self-pity.
Strengthened by his faith and the power of his beliefs, Dan was aligned with God’s will at every step. He did not deny his own fears but he would not let them have the best of him either. As he had taught many, he was willing to look at them head on and learn what it was that they wanted from him. He would wait for dreams and talk about them. Most of all, however, he would look for the “lights that God would shine on the path to be followed”.
Dan declared his love for life in all its diversity and vibration, in its energetic mysteries and exciting places, but mainly in what he was able to share with the people he dearly loved. He would not mind if God allowed him to stay and enjoy their company some more, however, if Christ should want him by His side, he was ready to heed his Shepherd’s call. And he meant it.
Through light and darkness he would journey as a brave and wise companion, telling stories and listening to them. When he lifted his hand close to his ear, it often seemed that what he sought to amplify was not the external rambling of what he heard, but the voices that sprung from the other person’s history, sometimes an ancient and archetypal murmur that his intuition captured with care and skill.
Dan’s last night in the hospital was blessed by the presence of Jean, a Jamaican nurse, dressed in fluorescent pink and white, joyful and caring. Jean is one of those who “would know”. She took it seriously when he asked for pen and paper to write some notes, and she knew that only after doing so, could he relax and sleep again.
When his cousin Myrna had to leave at 6:30 AM, she told Dan that she would be back by 2 PM. He told her that he would not be there.
He was soft and relaxed. He could sleep a little more. Dan was not alone, he would not be alone. He knew that too and he talked about “feeling the love” of friends, family and prayers holding him in a good place. He was sleeping peacefully when some deep breaths followed and he flowed into another layer of living waters and everlasting being. It was 7:30 AM.”
“Dan was such a caring man.”
